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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28969875">I Loved You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nutella20018/pseuds/Nutella20018'>Nutella20018</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mikasa/Annie Stories [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Denial of Feelings, F/F, F/M, Feelings Realization, Introspection, Light Angst, Mentioned Bertolt Hoover, Swearing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:33:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,225</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28969875</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nutella20018/pseuds/Nutella20018</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything felt like a chore when she did them with Jean, as if she had to force herself to feel when she was with him. Why was it all so easy with her?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bertolt Hoover/Annie Leonhart, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart, Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mikasa/Annie Stories [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075052</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Loved You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had had no motivation to write but I've been listening to a song on repeat recently called A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant to Be by Jess Benko and I also moved back into my dorm room and suddenly felt like writing again.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Mikasa was never one to dwell on her emotions. She had feelings of course but she didn’t let others see through her. She would always try to logically think through every scenario or outcomes of things that had already happened or would soon pass. Mikasa slowly came to the realization that she gave in to her emotions more often and could trace it back to when she met Annie. She hated the blonde girl. Her mind and heart have been a mess since she first saw her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was pulled from her thoughts when her boyfriend tapped her shoulder. She forgot that Jean was over. He had gotten the habit of making dinner for the two of them to make sure she didn’t forget to eat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you thinking about that’s made you space out so many times?” Jean said with a crooked smile on his face. He always thought it was adorable whenever Mikasa was super focused on her thoughts. She would always try to respond to whatever was said to her because she liked to show she was listening but she often made no sense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh I was just thinking about my classes and what I did today” Mikasa said as she shook her head to get rid of anything related to Annie so she could give her attention to Jean. She realized that while she was stuck in her thoughts, Jean had gotten much closer to her than before. Her right side was pressed against his left fully. They were in her dorm room, because Jean didn’t want to be around his roommate when she was with him, sitting in her bed leaning against the wall with random videos playing on the tv in the background. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well come back to me then” with a laugh, Jean leaned his head against Mikasa’s shoulder so they were fully cuddling. Mikasa didn’t like it, she felt uncomfortable and couldn’t move. She mentally kicked herself as soon as the thought crossed her mind. Jean was her boyfriend and they both have a hard time showing affection, she should feel happy that he was able to feel comfortable enough around her. She forced a laugh and started ranting about her class she had that day so he wouldn’t have time to see the sudden expression of discomfort that came across her face for a second. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They settled into a comfortable silence after her verbal explosion. They were currently watching a Japanese man cleaning fish on youtube. She couldn’t stop herself from checking her phone every couple of minutes. Jean had finished class at eight and came up around nine after he finished cooking for them. Her phone said it was around one in the morning. She wanted to be alone already but Jean had no intention of leaving soon. They had a routine each time he came to her room already despite not having been dating for that long. He had noticed that she had an alarm that went off each day at eight, it was labeled “work”. Jean knew that Mikasa didn’t have a job to focus on school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“That alarm is for Annie’ Mikasa said with a small smile ‘she would always forget that she had work whenever she came over and so I eventually just put an alarm on my phone so we both wouldn’t forget. I should probably get rid of it now” now sadly smiling as she remembered all the things they would do together and how Annie would skip work because she wanted to spend more time with Mikasa. Jean noticed and started making fun of her for all the other random alarms that she had. “Might as well make one for me too so we don’t stay up all night” he said with a grin plastered on his face.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>She couldn’t wait for her alarm to go off, signaling that it was almost two and to send Jean up to his room for the night. She wanted to think about Annie in peace and figure her thoughts out. She was once again pulled out of her thoughts, but this time it was because her phone finally went off and she quickly sat up and paused the video and tried not to look too excited and tell Jean it was time for him to go to bed so he wouldn’t be late to work in the morning. Jean tried staying longer but Mikasa pretended to scold him and sent him away or he would manage to stay another hour or two. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as the door shut and she heard his footsteps fade away, Mikasa immediately let the smile fall from her face and she sighed heavily. She dragged her feet across her floor and got ready to get into bed and think about things she felt guilty about having in her mind when Jean was next to her. She looked at herself in the mirror staring into her own eyes and trying to see if there was anything different about herself. She didn’t understand when people would say they can read someone by looking at their eyes. Her eyes looked normal, like there were no emotions there even though she knew she was feeling things. She noticed that the bags under her eyes were getting bigger, the circles under her eyes were darker. She had been sleeping a lot less than normal since Annie had left.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Annie… was always in her mind no matter how hard she tried to get her out. She missed her, she thought while looking at the toothbrush she left in her room. Mikasa sighed again and quickly stripped the clothes off herself and climbed into her bed, making sure to plug her phone in so she wouldn’t forget before she passed out. It felt weird to sleep in her bed without Annie there. She missed the smaller girl curling around her back and resting her chin on her shoulder. She couldn’t sleep without her anymore. She slapped herself as soon as she said it to herself. She didn’t like to think about how Annie made her feel. She hated that she didn’t feel the same way about Jean as she did about Annie. Holding his hands were different than when Annie would cautiously take hers into her own. Everything felt like a chore when she did them with Jean, as if she had to force herself to feel when she was with him. Why was it all so easy with her? Annie wasn’t thinking of Mikasa the way she did. She had Bertolt. She was in love with him, she had told her as soon she knew she loved him back. She clutched a tiny stuffed dinosaur that the blonde girl had bought her to her chest as she suddenly felt a sharp pain in her heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mikasa hated herself when she sorted her feelings out. She hated that she was hurting while Annie was happily fucking Bertolt without even thinking of her. She hated that she was going to end up hurting Jean because of how stupid she was. What she hated the most was that she was so in love with Annie but now she had to keep going alone again while Annie couldn’t care less about her. She finally drifted into an uneasy slumber, tears leaving dried streaks across her cheeks.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading this story, I hope everyone who reads it likes it &lt;3 All of these stories are actually written while I listen to a playlist that is related to the experiences that I write these stories about.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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